Culture Robbed Me of the Ability to Fall In Love (essay version)

And I was robbed of that certain feeling.

I can no longer remember when I last felt my heart beat fast. I think I have already forgotten about the sweet scent of flowers or the how sentimental music makes any place glow with a different hue. Do you think I am beginning to romanticize things again? Perhaps. But have we ever thought of romance without associating it with the word love?

You can rather accuse me of over-romaticizing things.

But going back, what if, romance was associated with another emotion aside from love? The emotion would be then void of passion, sweetness and stupidity, not to mention graphic representations of flowers, chocolates and other material items capitalism can take advantage of during "special" days. How can be love be like without romance? If one's going to base it on superficialities, then we can always refer to aging relationships, at least. But what do we know about the love that blossomed between couples who are about to celebrate their golden wedding anniversary? While we are all absorbed about carnal desires and materialism, they meanwhile focus on selfless and unconditional service in order to sustain each other's needs and wants. Talk about morning breakfasts and afternoon siestas, Sunday masses and family reunions. Can't we consider those simplicities romantic?

Now. I'm caught in web of problems. First, I've been single for almost a couple of years now, cumulatively, technically. And standing in a world surrounded by people in love (or in relationships) just makes things worse. I'm dying to be in a relationship. Desperada, but hell. It's I who's suffering from that feeling and not those who would think of me of such description. In the first place, don't I deserve to be in one?

But how can I do so when my heart now finds it difficult to pump the emotion alive? Yes, relationships can be built from consensus, as long as two individuals settle on an agreement to hold hands and work things together as a team. But how about the feeling, the kilig, the passion and most of all, the romance? Aren't these things equally important to make the relationship work? Or is it all about the money, the benefits and other partinership ventures that keep the relationship alive?

I could've chosen to dwell on the lessons of probablity and statistics to cheat my way into winning the lottery jackpot. But what would all the money be worth if I don't have someone to share it with? Just like with the simple joys life has to offer. What would they be if they were not to be romanticized and used to enrich one's memoir of love? Thus, I chose to hope.