rainy sunday emo blues

Love is a mind over matter process. It is you who must tell what love must do, and not let love dictate you.

It was an emotion foreign to me. At transient feeling that comes and goes without saying goodbye. In all honesty I resented the feeling of its presence and my frozen heart does nothing but reject it, knowing it would do me no good. Playing was one thing I enjoyed, so why bother accept complications?

But you came.
And that annoyed me.
Your scent was my hallucinogen.

You didn’t know but my nerves suddenly crack whenever I feel you around. I didn’t know it too. I never liked you, nor did your moves give me the slightest interest. I then was too absorbed with the travesties of my so-called life to think of you would give me a heavier burden.
Yet fate decided on its own.

The forces of nature one day positioned themselves in the environment we were standing in, waiting for the right moment to disperse. I felt it, but l laughed thinking it was just a daydream, a funny reverie that attempted to defy all my ideals of a knight in shining armor. Why a total stranger whose aspirations I contrasted? It was good that rationality blocked the opportunity of answering my questions. My books have handcuffed me, and you were not worthy of my mind’s exhaustion.

Only to find out that I could not oppose the powers which I could not see. From a simple liplock I knew my life would change forever. My brain hung from thinking. I wasn’t ready for the alterations that would come.

But you’re here. In front of me. Your eyes paralyzed me even a thousand miles away. I wanted to run, but I stood frozen. I wanted to go away, but my heart decided otherwise.
I found myself falling. Catch me. It’s too late to hand me a parachute.

Take me with you. Teach me how to land without stumbling. I fear for the pain I might endure as gravity pulls me back to the ground. Tell me what to do. I want you.
But rejection took me by surprise. I never knew it coming, but it was there after all, in deep hibernation. The myriad of reasons screamed over and over, trying to have them understood by my unreceptive mind. I wanted to end it all. I’ve been experiencing nosebleeds from time to time. I knew it was a big risk but I took it all as well. I lost. I was near the end of the chessboard, but I remained to be a pawn.

Teach me to stop. My exhaustion is not enough to make my system falter.

Give me a reason not to wait. Take away all my fears of letting go. Release me from the hopes that keep me chained in my delusions.

I once wanted to be your queen.
You didn’t want me.
Days will pass.

We do not know what fate has in mind. I may be yours one day, or may be someone else’s. But I assure you, I will be a queen, in my own right.