today i committed suicide

Today I committed suicide.

I have been depressed for the past few days, mainly because of my empty wallet. However, what triggered my suicidal feeling was my realization of the fact that I am alone in a place full of strangers, with no friends and only relatives who often think I'm misconstrued. I am living a life of solitude, unloved, left with no one to love.

I am sad. Very sad. Last Sunday I felt like putting my life into an end. I felt like crying, but my lachrymal glands just didn't work. So I just diffused my energies in washing the dishes at 5am Monday, just so to divert my thoughts of becoming an ethereal being.

I did the laundry today. It's not really common for me to wash my clothes, for the reason that I don't know how to do so. I am learning, though. But afterwards I took a long afternoon stroll to the mountains, contemplating on what I am to do next. I am jaded. I am exhausted. My heart just wants to stop beating, my senses are about to wage a strike. I felt unpretty, unwanted, and most of all, unnoticed. It's almost the same as being dead.

After a couple of hours of walking I remembered that it's currently my grand-uncle's wake. Upon reaching the hospital I heard my uncles talking about the funeral costs, and like the smell of freshly brewed coffee, I suddenly woke up. I only got 500 bucks in my ATM card. A couple of hundreds in my wallet. No SSS, no insurance policies, no nothing. I can't even pawn my phone. I can't die yet.

At that point I had to use my head rather than my heart. To hell with my suicidal tendencies. I can't die broke. That's just... suicide.