remembering the day

... i turned 4. i had the best party ever. it was attended by grown-ups.

... i got my first and only pair of roller blades. they taught me how to race with cars.

... i learned how to smoke. i was seven then. no one was around. my first stick was philipp morris.

... i first kissed a guy. he's now a badminton champ. and he's gay.

... i graduated from grade school. an overgrown adolescent at 12, i looked pregnant.

... i made my first television appearance. i just saw myself as a toddler during a re-run of Lunch Break.

... i met dj. we talked about the proper way to dissect a frog.

... i passed the college exams. it was liberating.

... i graduated high school. it was uneventful.

... meeting my high school crush after five years. he was unperturbed by my presence.

... i first had a five. it was unexpectedly cool in some way.

... i flunked calculus for the 3rd time. nothing beats that econ tandem.

... i chose niel and rochelle over emman. no regrets.

... mama died. it's still painful.

... i turned 22. i was sleepy the whole day.

... i decided to learn the perks of being single. i just found out that i am dyslexic.

day of the new wave

It was the time when people danced uncontrollably either on the ceiling or in the dark, where music was composed out of synthesizers and hair sprays became the most important hair accessory. Fashion trends were tight flashy leggings paired with leg warmers, shoulder pads and assymetrical open shouldered shirts. Add the stone washed denim jackets.

They met up at the popcorn stand at Fiesta Carnival that afternoon. They were supposed to see a movie in Ali Mall but her mom asked her to do the groceries at Rustan's. So, the movie-date immediately transformed into a grocery event, plus a spontaneous late late lunch at Aristocrat. They're both glad little Timmy wasn't with them or else they would've landed at Jollibee. He brought his dad's Corolla. After doing the groceries they raced off to the pre-cosmopolitan vicinity of Ortigas Center, just not to get locked in the traffic jam along Highway 54. Chores are chores. They very well understand that. But of course they have to attend on their own duties, as slightly overaged teenagers, as adventurers, as fools in love.

She resides in the old-rich Barrio Kapitolyo. He meanwhile shares the neighborhood with a politician at New Manila. They are residents of the metro's hottest discotheques, and Joloux at Timog is definitely a No-no. But tonight they are to go to no disco, but to a more exciting trip at the Greenhills Arcade parking lot. The hottest cars, the most popular high-school heartthrobs of their generation will be present, not to mention the big pot of money involved. They are to play drag.

Drag racing's the name of the game. Race for the name, wealth and glory. He is to compete with her ex-boyfriend. He has to win in order to bag her heart. When nightfall came they prepared themselves by first dropping by Petron-Kapitolyo. Soon after, they set the tracks at Ortigas Ave. The spectators, the pompom girls, the organizers, and of course, the ex-boyfriend, are all present, waiting for the game to start.

Then the lead girl waved the checkered flag.

His dad's Corolla versus that black Chrysler. The gray smoke covered their eyesight, and the burning rubber kept them deaf. Jaws nearly dropped waiting for whoever will come back first. Then they heard a familiar sound running towards them. It's him. In his dad's Corolla.

He won her heart for keeps.

She was assured. Boys do fall in love.

Desiderata and the Total Eclipse of the Sun

And he said he's sorry. He always was. The word then became so overused the whole conversation no longer made sense at all. So she chose to break all the strings that held them together. She was mad, frustrated and dumbfounded. She never thought things would reach this height of imbecility.

Her feelings for him were more than carnal friendship. She offered him a mother's touch, a best friend's shoulder, and a whore's lip service. Yet upon hearing her heart beat with the words of love and affection, he just took the ill path of killing the untainted lovestruck paradise her feelings have built. He did the best to make her cry with his mean antics. He made her feel sorry for loving him. He made her realize that it's not that he doesn't have feelings for her- it's just he doesn't want to be loved, by her, not by anybody else. He wants to stand on his feet, and only his.

They were friends. Laughing buddies. Teachers of each other's minds. Yet their paths will never meet. He knew he was bitter and the life he chose was the one fast and sweet. She was then left with no other way out but compromise. And despite all the promises she made to herself, she broke down and cried.

Whatever feelings of love he had were just enough to suffice his needs. It just so happened that there were some hearts were willing to give him more than enough. And one of them was hers.

A certified camwhore at 22. Thank God people say I don't look like my age. I look days younger. Yeah right. I said so. So what. It was my birthday last Tuesday. The f*ck do you care anyway. This is my blog. Kidding.

kaarawan

masaya tayo tuwing sasapit ang araw na ito.
ika'y nasa piling ng mga kaibigan, may munting piging
at ako'y darating, upang bumati, upang makikain.
ipagmamalaki mo ang isa na namang taong haharapin ng buong lakas
ang matapang na diwa, puso at kaluluwa.
mga pangarap na nanantiling matayog at puno ng pag-asa.
puno ang hangin ng iyong mga halakhak, di alintana ang usok ng lakampana.
pero ang lahat ay lumilipas.
ngayo'y malayo ka na sa piling ko.
ika'y nasa alapaap. maligaya. malayo sa mga pag-aalala.
pero ang iyong kaarawan ay mananatiling mahalaga sa aking gunita.

ako'y nangungulila sa iyong pag-aaruga.